Is My Ex Reading My Emails?

How to check if your ex has access to your accounts—and prove it

🛡️ If your ex is abusive: Be careful about when and where you investigate. If they're monitoring your accounts, they may see that you're looking into this. Use a safe device (library computer, trusted friend's phone) to research. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233. They have tech safety specialists.

You're reading this because something doesn't feel right. Maybe your ex mentioned something from a private conversation. Maybe they showed up somewhere they shouldn't have known about. Maybe they react to information you only shared by email.

You're not paranoid. Unauthorized account access by ex-partners is extremely common—especially after breakups, during divorces, or in custody disputes. A 2023 study found that 67% of domestic abuse survivors reported their abuser monitored their email or social media.

How Exes Typically Access Your Accounts

Method	How It Happens	How to Detect
Shared passwords from relationship	You shared access during the relationship and never changed it	Check login history for their devices/locations
Password guessing	They know your patterns—pet names, birthdays, favorite numbers	Look for failed login attempts or password reset requests
Recovery email/phone	Their email or phone number is still your account recovery option	Review recovery settings in all accounts
Linked accounts	Family sharing (Apple), shared Google accounts, or linked devices	Check device lists and sharing settings
Email forwarding	They set up automatic forwarding of your emails to their address	Check Gmail filters and forwarding settings
Stored sessions	They logged in on a device you don't have access to	Review active sessions in each account

Behavioral Signs Your Ex Has Access

Sometimes the clearest sign isn't technical—it's behavioral:

They know things they shouldn't. They reference conversations, plans, or information from your private communications.
They show up unexpectedly. They appear at locations you only mentioned in private messages.
They react to private content. They get upset about things you said in messages to others.
They anticipate your moves. They seem to know about job interviews, dates, or plans before you tell them.
They use specific phrases. They echo exact wording from your private emails or texts.
They contact people in your life. They reach out to people you've only communicated with recently.

How to Check Your Accounts (Step by Step)

Google Account

Go to myaccount.google.com/security
Click Your devices — look for devices you don't recognize
Click Recent security activity — look for logins from unknown locations
Check Gmail settings → Forwarding — make sure emails aren't being forwarded
Check Gmail settings → Filters — look for filters forwarding specific emails

Apple/iCloud

Go to Settings → [Your Name] → Devices
Review every device listed—remove any you don't recognize
Check Family Sharing — your ex may still be in your family group
Review Find My — are they still able to see your location?

Facebook & Instagram

Go to Settings → Password and security → Where you're logged in
Review all active sessions
Check Apps and websites — remove any you don't recognize

💡 Pro tip: Don't just check active sessions. Download your account data exports to see historical login activity. Your ex may have logged in and out without leaving an active session.

The Evidence Problem

⚠️ Don't change passwords yet if you need proof for legal purposes—restraining orders, custody cases, divorce proceedings. Once you lock them out, you can't prove ongoing access. Document everything first.

What to document:

Screenshots of unrecognized devices and sessions
Download complete account exports (Google Takeout, Apple privacy report, Facebook data download)
Note specific incidents where they knew things they shouldn't
Keep a timeline of suspicious behavior

Analyzing Your Account Exports

Account exports contain detailed login histories, IP addresses, device info, and timestamps—but they're nearly impossible to read manually (thousands of JSON files).

ForensAI scans your exports and automatically flags:

Logins from unfamiliar devices or locations
Activity at times you weren't using your accounts
Security changes (password resets, recovery email changes)
Impossible travel (logins from two locations too far apart)
Activity near specific addresses you flag (like your ex's home)

The analysis runs 100% on your device—your sensitive data never leaves your phone. This is critical when dealing with someone who may be monitoring you.

Download ForensAI Free — Check Your Accounts

Free scans show top findings. Full Forensics ($179) unlocks complete analysis + PDF reports for legal documentation.

After You Have Evidence: Securing Your Accounts

Change all passwords — Use completely new passwords (not variations of old ones)
Enable two-factor authentication — Preferably using an authenticator app, not SMS
Remove recovery options — Make sure their phone/email isn't your recovery method
Log out all sessions — Force logout everywhere, then sign back in only on your devices
Check email forwarding/filters — Remove any forwarding rules
Review connected apps — Revoke access to anything suspicious
Leave shared family plans — Apple Family Sharing, Google Family, etc.

If You're Going Through a Divorce

Unauthorized account access during divorce proceedings can be powerful evidence of controlling behavior—and potentially illegal (Computer Fraud and Abuse Act applies even to spouses).

ForensAI's Full Forensics ($179) generates PDF reports documenting unauthorized access with timestamps, IP addresses, and device information. These reports have been used in family court proceedings. For certified expert testimony, you may still need a licensed examiner—but ForensAI helps you understand what's happening first.

See our detailed guide: Using Digital Evidence in Divorce Cases

Related Guides

ForensAI is an educational tool for personal use. For legal matters requiring certified evidence or expert testimony, consult a licensed forensic examiner or attorney.